Cheers Mak

So assalamualaikum, Lama kan i menyepi. lol It just me, i dont know what to say. Well actually theres many things i like to express except lazy me is being soo lazy. pardon, im double lazy -.-' well note that! So lately, i have been involved in some arguments well i pretty much call them world war 3. jahatkan i? Eh, ini bukan gaduh dengan boyfriend or apa. Tapi ni gaduh dengan my kekasih hati, my mum.

Well the thing is, GADUH paham tak kalau perempuan gaduh macam mana? Okay cerita dia macam ni, last thurs i went out keluar jejalan gituw aww. She was okay at first but somehow she did remind me to ughh be back before maghrib and i said to her okay. Then dah sampai as usual i texted her saying i reached here safely. Then she texted me back to be back by six, okay boleh la kot. after bla bla bla and masa nak balik tu i didnt perasan the time, and thurs ada pasar malam pulak belakang sekolah hicom. So memang mak akan pergi la then dia terus wait dekat ktm. I almost forgot my adik lukman ada tuition so i was kinda interupting the schedule. I was suppose to reach shah alam awal sikit sikit je. Tapi ktm biasalah depa suka stop tak tentu pasai buat syok kot kot ada penceroboh nak masuk. -.-'

Then long story short, dia marah sebab adik ni perfectionist sikit, tak boleh lambat la, hang suka ikot pala otak hang ja tak pikiaq aku ni. dah la pemalaih tok hang! mak dah speed teruk gila, jalan jam biasalah orang baru balik office hour. Epic habis la. Dia dah start bebel bebel, believe me my mum is sooooooooooo garang yknow. Kalau dia bebel depan kawan ke cubemate aku ke dorang pun takut, tapi aku biasalah watlek watcool macam abah. lol. Dekat rumah, dia tinggalkan aku sorang sorang suruh kemas rumah. I did but lambat la delay sikit. Masa tengah sapu area atas jeng jeng jeng my mum balik and she was screaming sebab nampak i baru nak sapu. padahal i dah sapu cuma nak ambil penyodok sampah nak kaut jerrr. itu pun jadi isu, dia bebel lepastu dia nak sapu balik, and i was like being rebel al thos stuff. Marah marah la menjawab. And frankly rasa nak go back and tampar my face mulut jahat sangat.

Anyway, i think she was stressed out maybe in the office idk, this time shes really mad, mad i tell ya. i couldnt believe my mum ungkit balik my every failure. Hati hancur, musnah, ego. And me being anak derhaka (nauzubillah) slammed the door but somehow its funny sebab on my doorknob ada flower so tak bunyi slam langsung and bunga tu yang terkepit. lol. I cried so hard and even planned on suicide and lari rumah. Astaghfirullah. And tomorrow when she wakes me for subuh still marah marah. We didnt talk at all. And i havent eaten at all since lunch yesterday. i woke up turun bawah to check up on my cats, then minum air thats all. All i did was reading novel and dont wanna get up from my bed. After jumaat prayers i thought my mum was home. Masa tu gaduh lagi, tanya adik kata mak demam.

I was shocked, mak bukan jenis sakit. Sepanjang hidup aku sekali je mak aku demam tu pun masa darjah berapa tah. Abah je selalu demam. And adik aku cakap mak muk macam sedih. Bayangkan if we terserempak dalam rumah, mak akan paling muka, Ya Allah tahu tak anak derhaka tu tak bau syurga. Mak ego, trurun kat anak. So how we suppose to berdamai. And me, aku seorang yang egoistic. Sangat kay! ME taking the first step. Aku ni susah sikit nak cakap sorry, kalau sorry dua patah tu susah ni kan nak mintak maaf. So she was my mum, my beloved, my one and only in here and the here after. I start socializing with her then dia tak layan i was like sabar. that night baru makan, mogok punya pasal bajet suicide. lol lama lama okay dah.

I mean this story has no moral value at all, I just wanna say, how much i love you even after those fights those arguments, I still love you soooo much, Thankyou for bringing me in this world, thankyou for leading the islam way of life. thankyou for all you have made to me. No treasure in this world would compares any of it. I just somehow wanna make you proud like other mums. Just wanna see you cry once(i never saw her cry), not because i hurt you but because i be the daughter you want me to be. because of the satisfaction i made. Sometimes, when i think that nothing in this world last forever, not even humans, i just couldnt imagine how would it be. me without you, i might just go crazy. Maybe not now, but someday i will soon face it. Maut itu adalah satu benda yang pasti. Astaghfirullah. I just thinking if i was qualified enough to make you du'a sand Bekalan akhirat. If i will be in the golongan anak yang soleh dan solehah. Im just afraid of all this upcoming unsured future. If i would treat you the way i suppose to. I dont wanna end up anak derhaka. I wanna be the child that made you to jannah. I just couldnt continue this, my tears are falling I just wanna say, I love you Mak :')